If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
