cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
