literally had 100 drinks last night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
