I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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