I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
