I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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