we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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