Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
