im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
