I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
