i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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