i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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