its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
