After last night, I could never be a politician.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
