I think scott just propositioned me for sex
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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