i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
