How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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