he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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