you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In other news, I just burned my penis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
