Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
