Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
