Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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