Please, let me fuck your mom
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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