im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
