i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
