I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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