The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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