How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
