Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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