I haven't been this sober since birth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
