He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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