Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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