They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
