i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
