i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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