why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
