Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can u get pink eye on your cock?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
