I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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