Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
