Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
