Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
