I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
