some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
