i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
