He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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