I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
