I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was confusing and full of hummus
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
