my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
