Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
