My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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