i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
